My Life Blog

I knew this day would come and I wondered where I’d be in life. Its been 10 years now.

In December of ‘85 at barely 21 years of age, I got married. At that point, I didn’t know myself, much less anyone else. And yet, getting married was what you were supposed to do and so that’s what I did.

Unfortunately, I had little life experience as an adult and wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to be and really who I wanted to be with. In the years since, I’ve heard this same story told with dozens of other voices. So apparently, its happened to most of us.

So after almost 9 years of marriage, I chose to leave on the eve of my 30th birthday. I left unopened presents on the table as I walked out. It sounds brutal and heartless, but it had gone on long enough and I used the introspective strength born of a milestone birthday to make it happen.

Since then, I’ve lived my 30s somewhat like they were my 20s. The sedentary lifestyle of staying home on weekend nights has been replaced with adventurous fun-filled outings with friends and dates. I’ve met wonderful friends who have showed me how to live and have inspired me to be what I want to be — not what someone else wants me to be. I’ve traveled. I’ve loved. I’ve been dumped and in recent years e-dumped. I’ve been promoted and I’ve been laid-off — three times!

I could go on, but what I wonder most about is how will the decade of my 40s go? Since I lived my 20s and 30s out of order, will I do the same thing yet again with my 40s? Or will I finally get it right and live appropriately for my age? Geez…if I think about that, that almost sounds boring.

So maybe the trick is to not think about your age or your decade and just live it one day at a time. But sometimes it helps to reflect on how you arrived at each day. And so today, I’m celebrating a really great decision that I made 10 years ago today.

In case you’re curious, the ex-wife married someone years ago that she met off of Matchmaker.com. She apparently is living happily-ever-after in Kentucky or Tennessee or someplace of that ilk. So though the circumstances weren’t initially favorable for her 10 years ago, it turned out to be the best decision for her as well.

So here’s to being 40, happy, and healthy…with emphasis on the happy and healthy part.

I admit I have a four-letter addiction. No, its not “coke” or “beer” or other four-letter words with bad connotations that I’m not clever enough to attach to this post.

Its books. Okay, please no one point out that that’s actually five letters — I don’t count the “s” since I’m speaking of the root problem.

Why do I suddenly admit this publicly? Because I’ll be spending the next week and a half in Kauai and I’m trying to figure out which of my many prized books to take. There’s something really wrong about that, I think. I should be more concerned with which hike to take on which day, what helicopter to trust my life with, or what river to kayak down. Right?

But I cannot deny that I have a natural curiosity about things. Its mostly having to do with my industry, so I could stand to be a bit more varied. My industry is absolutely popping with ideas and new tools. And since my own job is promptly ignoring most of this, I’m living vicariously through others through these books.

But anyway, I’m curious to see how much I really do read while on vacation. I have this feeling that I won’t read much and that this fretting over which books to take is all for naught. Still, there are worse four-letter addictions, so I feel good about only having this one.

Um…okay, so I like beer and wine too. And food. Damn…I’m so weak…

I turn 40 on Wednesday of this week. And you tend to get a bit reflective at a milestone year like that. And coincidentally, its been an interesting year for my health so I’m reflecting and revising the way I live my life.

Early in the year, I began the Body-For-Life program and lasted a full three weeks before I was overwhelmed by events and disinterest. All I can say is that I love to eat and I hate waiting till Sunday to cheat. But having said that, I’ll probably renew my bid to get leaner using a more manageable program in the near future.

In those early days in January and February, I was working out in my corporate gym. On one of those days, I saw a co-worker of mine on the exercise bike. He’s a big man and I was applauding him (secretly) for working on his weight. However, not too long after that there were rumors circulating around that he was facing some sudden and very severe health issues. In fact, he had cancer and needed immediate surgery. He’s not really been to work since those days.

What struck me was that this seemed to happen so suddenly and so randomly. And I couldn’t help but wonder what latent problem was secretly awaiting me. And in March, I started to have numbness and tingling in my right arm. It was intermittent, but always tied to a certain posture. My psychosomatic mind took this to new depths as I began to analyze every pain that my body felt.

But the arm situation was real and I went to get it checked out. In short, it was suggested that I take some muscle relaxant like Motrin and that maybe I had a pinched nerve. The numbness became manageable and I more or less have lived with it ever since. However, in seeing the doctor, I decide to get a full physical. I fretted while the results were being tabulated. Then finally, I called and found out that all was normal.

Then in the last two weeks I got a strangely-timed and persistent Summer cold. My energy level dropped and I had pains near my heart and fatigue in my left arm. I was sure I was going the route of Bill Clinton. So on Friday, I made my second visit to the doctor in a week and seeked additional antibiotics to get over this sickness (as a side note, I’m going to Kauai on Wednesday, so I HAVE TO GET OVER THIS!). Anyway, the doctor ended up subjecting me to an EKG to check my heart. And again I fretted while the results were being analyzed. Of course, the results were normal.

However, there will be a day when all does not return normal. What I’ve learned from these two experiences is to really value these days when you feel great and to make the most of them. Live a little. And yet take care of yourself so that you have many more in return. There will be a day when your body doesn’t have its youthful energy and doesn’t recover well. Be prepared for that day and make the most of the days that preceed it.

In my case, I’ve always had boundless energy and have felt life would go on as it is now forever. In fact, I still view life mostly as such. However, I’m a little bit more mature about the formula for living and longevity.

I wanted to share this just in case it hit home with anyone else out there. And yeah, I admit that I’m a little bit of a pyschosomatic nutcase. What can I say? I’m human…and so are you.

Who turned off the light in here? Yeah, its been dark, but I’m back for a post or two.

This weekend I attended the Dallas version of the No Fluff Just Stuff conference. Despite the name, I didn’t actually find a lot of “fluff.” But I will admit my expectations were pretty high given the conference name, so I’m probably judging them pretty harshly.

I think the way to approach any conference is to go for breadth of knowledge and exposure and not seek depth. In my case, I had done a lot of reading and a bit of experimentation with Spring, so I was looking for some depth — some hidden gems to unlock whatever limitations that I perceived to be there. Unfortunately, the speakers must to some extent speak to the lowest common denominator in the audience. So given that, I didn’t learn much new on that topic.

My favorite sessions were for topics that I knew nothing about. In those cases, I was the newbie that lowered the lowest common denominator. AOP was definitely a subject that I knew little about, so I enjoyed a talk about AOP refactoring. I also was intrigued by Naked Objects, though its doubtful that I’ll do much with that framework.

Overall, the conference was very nicely organized and executed. The people were friendly, the food available and good, the sessions were as planned and on time, etc. And there was much to learn — in future events, I’ll just drop into sessions where I know nothing about the subject matter.

So for me the conference was “Some fluff and some stuff”…but overall a pleasant experience.